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NEW! Change Matters Online Counselling Service

Affordable, convenient and effective. Sessions cost
only R400 and include:
2 email exchanges plus a
60-minute Skype session
Please write to us to apply.

Fieldwork/Internship for Practitioners

We offer a fieldwork position for practitioners who wish to learn the Change Matters model. Practicals occur one day a week over 4 months. Nominal admin fees apply. Affiliation is available on application after completion
of the course.
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Soon! 2012 Events and Workshops



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Calling all art therapists, body workers, life coaches, counsellors and psychologists, organisers of retreats and special events...deliver notice of your services to 300 people!

     New Projects 2012


       

          Self-help Book
      Practitioner's Manual

       For enquiries please
              Contact Us

How Do You Feel About Yourself?

How you feel about yourself influences how you feel about every aspect of your life:

  • The kind of friends you choose
  • How you get along with others
  • The kind of person you marry
  • Your success in your career
  • Your stability and integrity
  • Whether you are a leader or a follower
  • Your effectiveness as a parent.

Your present sense of self forms the centre of your personality and determines the uses you make of your limitless capacity as a human being. It is not genes which determine your human effectiveness but your self-esteem. The level of self-esteem you emerge with from your childhood determines your level of fulfillment in adult life.

However, you are not stuck with the self-esteem legacy from childhood and once you develop awareness of your self-esteem level you can systematically set about changing it, if that is what you want.

By and large people may be described as having one of three levels of self-esteem: low, middle or high. Feeling ‘low’ is not the same as having low self-esteem. There are many reasons for feeling low in this world – but the person with high self-esteem who feels low can admit to it, and will often try and do something about it. However, a person with low self-esteem will not admit to vulnerability as this would mean risking rejection.

The screen, the front, the face or the cover-up is the all-important protection for the person with middle to low self-esteem; the lower the person’s self-esteem, the more extreme the masks presented to the world.

DOWNLOAD AND PRINT THIS QUIZ

Quiz: How Do You Feel About Yourself?

Here are three boxes that indicate low, middle and high self-esteem. Please feel free to tick off whatever applies to you in each box.

INDICATORS OF LOW (HIGHLY PROTECTIVE) SELF-ESTEEM

YES

LOW INDICATOR
OF SELF-ESTEEM

YES

LOW INDICATOR OF SELF-
ESTEEM

 

Highly dependent

 

Bottles up feelings or can be dangerously aggressive and violent

 

Pessimistic and
fatalistic

 

Neglectful of physical welfare

 

No sense of ‘good’ about self

 

Rejecting of self

 

Condemning of self

 

Possessive of others

 

Extreme perfectionist

 

Constant need for
reassurance

 

‘Drop-out’

 

Manipulative of others

 

Extremely fearful in new situations

 

Feelings easily hurt

 

Highly critical of all aspects of self

 

Highly sensitive to criticism

 

Believes everybody else is better off

 

Engages in protective
communication e.g. hostile
silences, sulking, sarcasm,
cynicism, blaming and
ridiculing

 

Deep inferiority
complex or
superiority complex

 

Fears change

 

Lonely and isolated

 

 

Cannot take compliments or
positive feedback

 

Unable to form
close and deep
emotional relationships

 

Continually unhappy

 

Sees oneself as
unlovable

 

Troubled relationships with
others

 

Sometimes suicidal

 

Worrier

 

Rigid and
inflexible

 

Highly prone to anxiety and
depression

 

Highly blaming of others or total
denial of
vulnerabilities

 

Moody

 

Feels different
from all others

 

Ashamed of self

 

Feels guilt about pleasure for self

 

Feels life is not worth living

 

Fears rejection

 

Displays over involvement or under involvement in other people’s lives

 

Fearful of
mistakes and
failures

 

Constantly trying to prove self

 

Indecisive

 

Lives according to rules of
‘should’, ‘should not’, ‘have to’, and ‘ought to’

If the above ‘Yes’s'  are making your life totally unmanageable, and if you live in the Cape Town area and are willing to change then Contact Us.


MIDDLE INDICATORS OF SELF-ESTEEM

YES

MIDDLE INDICATOR OF
SELF-ESTEEM

YES

MIDDLE INDICATOR OF SELF-ESTEEM

 

Dependent

 

Blaming others

 

Approval-seeker

 

Denial of problems

 

People-pleaser

 

Insecure in
relationships

 

Difficulty in seeking
support, help, advice etc.

 

Compares oneself
with others

 

Cautious and
unadventurous

 

Jealous of others’
success, possessions etc.

 

Fearful of new
situations

 

Critical of self and
others

 

Can take some
criticism

 

Some neglect of
physical welfare

 

Moderate degree of
optimism

 

Aggressive or
passive

 

Threatened by
opposition

 

Intolerant of
frustration

 

Expressive of
some feelings

 

Compliant or rigid

 

Conformist

 

Lives in the future

 

Doubts about various
aspects of self:
physical, intellectual,
social etc.

 

Very ambitious

 

Unsure

 

Hostile sense of
humour

 

General feeing of
dissatisfaction

 

Perfectionist

 

Tendencies to worry
and anxiety

 

Low autonomy

If the above ‘Yes’s'  are making your life uncomfortable, and if you live in the Cape Town area and are willing to change then Contact Us.

 

INDICATORS OF HIGH (MINIMALLY PROTECTIVE) SELF-ESTEEM

YES

INDICATORS OF HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

YES

INDICATORS OF HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

 

Independent

 

Realistic awareness of
strengths and
weaknesses

 

Open and spontaneous

 

Sees weaknesses as
opportunities for
developing strengths

 

Optimistic, excited and
challenged by life

 

Problem-solver

 

Flexible

 

Expressive of all feelings

 

Engages in clear and
direct communication

 

Resistant to conformity

 

Emotionally close to a
few significant others

 

Seeks support, advice,
help, comfort when
needed

 

Accepting of self and
others

 

Wholehearted involvement in all aspects of life

 

Respects and values
others’ differences

 

Trusts and values self

 

Listens to others

 

Caring of others

 

Can take criticism and
feedback

 

Positively firm with self
and others who attempt
to impose artificial values

 

Tolerant of frustrations

 

Cares for environment

 

Physically healthy

 

Spiritual

 

Emotionally mature

 

Needs privacy

 

Encouraging of self and
others

 

 

You are a rare breed of person who has a quiet acceptance of self and others - may you continue to be who you are and keep on shining.

More ...