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NEW! Change Matters Online Counselling Service

Affordable, convenient and effective. Sessions cost only R400 and include: 2 email exchanges plus a 60-minute Skype session. Please write to us to apply.

2012 Workshops

Next workshop to be announced soon.

See workshop dates for 2012.

Fieldwork/Internship for Practitioners

We offer a fieldwork position for practitioners who wish to learn the Change Matters model. Practicals occur one day a week over 4 months. Nominal admin fees apply. Affiliation is available on application after completion
of the course.
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          Self-help Book
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Codependence Quiz

This quiz was inspired by the support group, Codependents Anonymous.

What is 'codependence'?

Some people think that this is about being overly dependent or independent in romantic relationships. This is not the case.

Ultimately, codependence is about control: too much and too little.

It’s about the way strong feelings make you do out-of-control things, or the way you hide them, even from yourself. It’s about how you try to control others (also with compliance) as a way of protecting yourself.

This is happening in your life because of a skewed perception of yourself and others, which may have come about because of early trauma.

There is a well-proven way of counteracting these patterns, stopping the destruction and bringing about change in your life, and this is what we teach.


Codependence Quiz

  1. Read through once
  2. Read through again. Think about situations when these patterns could occur in your life
  3. Mark either 'YES' or 'NO'
  4. Read the ASSESSMENT SECTION below
  5. Mark of the DEGREE OF UNMANAGEABILITY against any 'YES'
  6. Check to see which PATTERN OF CODEPENDENCE you most likely fall into
  7. Decide what you want to do about it.





Degree of

  • Do you have difficulty identifying feelings?




  • Do you minimize, alter or deny your feelings?




  • Do you perceive yourself as being completely unselfish, dedicated to the well-being of others?







Degree of

  • Do you have difficulty making decisions?




  • Do you judge your thoughts, words and actions harshly, as never being good enough?




  • Are you embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts?




  • Are unable to ask others to meets your needs or wants?




  • Do you value other people’s approval for your thoughts, feelings and behaviours over self-approval?







Degree of

  • Do you compromise your values and integrity to avoid rejection and other people’s anger?




  • Are you very sensitive to others' feelings and assume the same feelings?




  • Are you extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long?




  • Do you place a higher value on others' opinions and feelings, and are too afraid to express differing viewpoints or feelings?




  • Do you put aside your own personal interests and hobbies to do what others want?







Degree of

  • Do you believe that most others are incapable of taking care of themselves?




  • Do you attempt to convince others what they should think and feel?




  • Do you become resentful when others refuse your offers of help?




  • Do you freely offer advice and guidance without being asked?




  • Do you lavish gifts and favors on those you care about?




  • Do you use sex to gain approval and acceptance?




  • Do you have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others?





If you answered yes to most of these patterns and characteristics does this mean that you are codependent?

Well yes and no.

Well no, because as human beings we all display these patterns and characteristics from time to time.

What makes it a ‘yes’ is the degree of unmanageability these patterns and characteristics make your life and those around you uncomfortable, inauthentic, chaotic, stressed, despairing, disempowered and unmanageable.

Go back to the top of the questionnaire and for every YES, rate your answer from 1 to 7:

Number 1 being the least number of times you find yourself in this condition regardless of whatever situation and/or circumstances.

Number 7 being the most times you find yourself in this condition and become aware that the results of this behaviour are not working for you regardless of the situation and/or circumstances.

Check to see if there is any particular category you fall into.

Any number over 3 means when you know a change is necessary.

How you go about this is up to you.

For more information, visit Codependents Anonymous.

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